This post is part of a 30-day experiment in vulnerability – more details here!
Researcher Brené Brown has a nice phrase about what we do when we feel ashamed: we “hustle for worthiness.”
We don’t “strive” or “pursue” worthiness – no, those words are too abstract and banal. We “hustle” – sprinting, frenetic, sweating, rushing, frenzied, never-quite-there.
Contrast that with what happens when you let go of who you think you should be and just be. Embrace who you are. Own your story. Accept, feel compassion, stop, breathe. You’re here, you’re home.
For Brown, we have a choice – and we don’t just make it once. We make it every moment, every time we fail or mess up or do something silly. We can strain and struggle and resist our own imperfections, or accept and love ourselves nonetheless.
“There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in” – Leonard Cohen
We’re all full of cracks, Brown reminds us. I over-stress and over-worry and over-think. And when the stresses and worries and thoughts get to be too much, I sometimes get moody and detached. In those moments, I don’t have much to give to the people I love.
In discussions, it takes a lot to change my mind – and even when I do, I’m embarrassed to admit it. I can get over-exuberant, eager to spread Truth with a capital T. After years and years of being the smart one, sometimes I still don’t feel smart enough.
I’m clumsy, and I get too hot or too cold if the temperature fluctuates outside the 70-72-degree range. On the days when my hair is untamable and I’ve got nothing to wear, I feel like I’m not pretty, short, tan, or stylish enough.
I’m not even sure I believe the quote above about the cracks. I still want to be better, and I’m still on my hands and knees patching them up with whatever clay or caulking goes into the cracks of human imperfection. But at least now, I can take some breaks. I know that new cracks will always appear; the task will never be done. I don’t have to define myself by the cracks, but by everything else in between.
Adapted photo by Flickr user Stian Olsen