10 commandments for perfectionists

10 commandments for perfectionists

I’ve known for awhile that I’m a perfectionist, but this summer was the time when my perfectionism and I finally had a standoff.

Perfectionism: I think it’s a great idea to feel stressed, pressured, and overwhelmed all the time. K?

Me: Uh, wait, no, but…

Perfectionism: Also, seriously, you’ve been on this planet for 25 years and you’ve yet to achieve anything extraordinary. Aren’t you paying attention to what I’m saying?

And so on. We wrestled for awhile. We’re still wrestling. And as the summer draws to a close, I decided to sit down and hash out all the things we’ve been arguing over. So here they are – the rules that the mean voice in my head keeps trying to enforce, and the thoughts I want to cultivate.

Perfectionism: Don’t waste time.

Me: Life takes time. Time is only wasted if I’m waiting for it to be over.

Perfectionism: I wish things were different.

Me: Life is a game of “Yes, and…”[1]

Perfectionism: I need to plan in order to control the future.

Me: I’m curious what will happen today and I know I can handle it.

Perfectionism: Must. Be. Serious.

Me: What would kitty do?[2]

Perfectionism: This is such a big deal.

Me: Will this matter in a year?

Perfectionism: I have to be careful.

Me: Life’s great dare is: Am I all in?[3]

Perfectionism: What will the future look like?

Me: What does the present feel like?

Perfectionism: I have to be maximally productive.

Me: I want to explore my whole self.

Perfectionism: I must get everything done.

Me: I can only do my best.

Perfectionism: I have to accomplish something extraordinary.

Me: I want to be happy and serene.

My hope is that articulating these in words will become a useful tool in my day-to-day life. I was doing a chore the other day, wishing for it to be over, when I thought, “Life takes time. Time is only wasted if I’m waiting for it to be over.” Perfectionism will still try to do battle with me, but at least I have some weapons in my arsenal now.

[1] The organizer of the Toronto Happy Healthy Women meetup, Natalie Colalillo, came up with this idea at an improv comedy workshop. Improv comedy requires a “yes, and” approach – you take whatever the other performers give you and run with it, rather than trying to contradict them or go in a different direction. Life is like this, too – you have to accept what happens to you before you can move on and have positive experiences.

[2] In other words, be silly! Cats and cat videos are a reminder for me to keep things fun, silly, and lighthearted.

[3] This is from Brené Brown, and the full quote is: “Vulnerability is life’s great dare. It is life asking, ‘are you all in?’” Living wholeheartedly means not holding back.

Photo by Flickr user Digitalnative