This is day 28 of #30DaysofVulnerability: “Make a “joy and meaning” list: List the ingredients that you need in your life to feel like things are going well, and compare it to your to-do list.” More info here.
One of the little tips in Brené Brown’s The Gift’s of Imperfection caught my eye:
“One of the best things that we’ve ever done in our family is making the ‘ingredients for joy and meaning’ list. I encourage you to sit down and make a list of the specific conditions that are in place when everything feels good in your life. Then check that list against your to-do list and your to-accomplish list. It might surprise you,” she writes.
Okay, okay, I get the idea. We have to focus on the essentials. But it didn’t hit home until one evening when I was stressing about my to-do list and forced myself to follow her suggestion:
Joy and meaning list:
- A career I love
- A happy relationship
- Friends and family
- Low stress
- Be #1 on the writer’s leaderboard for Tech Cocktail
- Get my work inbox to 0
- Get my personal inbox to 0, and answer all my dad’s emails
- Impress the people at the talent agency I have a (totally random) appointment with tomorrow
- Never make my boyfriend upset
- Go to gym class three times a week
- Read one book a week
- Work on my blog for 10 hours a week
- Meditate every day
…you get the idea.
You may find related items on your lists – for example, “go to gym class three times a week” and “health.” Health is my real goal, so I need to cut myself some slack when I miss a class (which hasn’t even happened, except when my arm was broken). All my work-related to-do’s should be in service of “a career I love,” not the need to be perfect or hyper-efficient or inhumanely productive. Just because I don’t reply to one of my dad’s emails or say something when I’m hangry that I later regret doesn’t make me a bad daughter or a bad girlfriend.
These lists remind me of Shawn Achor’s concept of meaning markers, the symbolic goalposts in life that guide our actions. Sometimes, we forget about our real meaning markers and get distracted by “hijackers,” false sources of meaning that end up making us frustrated and unhappy.
In other words, most of our to-do lists have been “hijacked” – and if we want our sanity back, we need to find our way to what’s really meaningful.
Photo by Flickr user atomicity